We're Gathering With Too Much Masculine Energy

Most professional gatherings are designed in response to too much masculine energy.

And a lot of us don’t even realize it because it’s just the water we’ve been swimming in.

I was a second lieutenant in the military, a “butter bar” as they call it, and the gatherings we had, the tempo of them, what got talked about, what activities got done, all of it was in response to masculine energy.

This produced gatherings where we’d sit in a chair from 7 am to 5 pm while one person talked and shared information the whole time.

Grueling.

That’s an extreme example.

But I would argue that most gatherings in the modern era are still being designed by people responding to that same dominant masculine energy, just in different settings.

We are missing out on so many richer, deeper experiences when we keep designing professional gatherings predominantly in response to one energy.

For example, at the time, I was working with my then executive director, a beacon of strength, Kaia Sand.

We were preparing for a meeting with a philanthropist named Ronni.

Probably 40 people a week were trying to get a hold of her to fund their projects. When we secured the meeting, I got briefed by consultants on how to show up.

Come with your budgets.

Memorize your stories.

Be confident.

It reminded me of a time I gave a presentation to a room full of gentlemen at a global construction company and the energy was the exact same.

Boy, was I in for a surprise.

When we got into the meeting with Ronni, the expectation was you do a quick icebreaker and then you get into business.

Somehow we got on the topic of yoga. And I mentioned that I sweat a lot during yoga.

Ronni looked at me and said you don’t have to do that. “If you just did 10 minutes of yoga and a few stretches a day you’d still get so many of the benefits. Let me show you.”

We ended up doing an off-the-cuff yoga session in her living room.

The whole time I’m thinking, oh my gosh, either I’m really bad at my job right now or something else is happening here.

Because it felt different.

It felt like Ronni was actually guiding both of us in a way that made us feel seen.

We were laughing.

The connection was deeper.

And afterwards she said, I had a really good time doing that with you.

Looking back, I believe this happened because Ronni was so aligned with her feminine energy that she had the strength to guide the space in a more balanced way.

It wasn’t just about numbers and seriousness and confidence.

It was about having a connection and experiencing something together that was deeper than any deck or budget line could have created on its own.

It’s important to not mistake this moment for Ronni lacking business savvy or strength. In fact, the opposite.

Ronni was the CEO of a company that had hundreds of employees. She was one of the most well known philanthropists, which is a ton of work on its own.

She still guided us through yoga.

A few months later we got a quick email.

Ronni was transferring over a certain amount of Costco stock that equated to almost a quarter million dollars.

Amazing, right?

Yes, and here’s what bummed me out.

When Kaia and I would share that story, people would say, yeah, that’s not the norm. That’s just not how it’s going to be.

And they were right.

The rest of the fundraising was much harder.

And I just kept thinking about the “Ronni moment.”

That was what feminine energy can do with a space when it’s given the space to lead.

And when I think about all the professional gatherings I’ve been in since then, the imbalance becomes really clear.

Most masculine energy says you have to sound certain even when you’re not. You use the same formats over and over.

It’s overly dominated by one energy and we are missing out on Ronni moments because of it.

Moments where we get to actually be more human, connect with each other, and still get things done.

So what’s the work?

I believe it starts with unlearning.

And unlearning is really hard to do when you’re still sitting inside the same container, or looking at the same sources for what to do.

The work is having the courage to experience something new.

Where you don’t quite know who you are in that space yet but you’re with people you care about and trust so that you can discover new things within yourself and within each other.

Things that will allow you to do the work you already do, but better.

Feeling more aligned.

Having a healthy balance of guidance from both masculine and feminine energy.

That’s where we want to go.