The Roles We're Playing But Aren't As Helpful Anymore
We inherited a set of roles (scripts, ways of being) for how to show up in public spaces.
And quietly, they are stopping us from receiving what we actually need from each other.
For example, there are people who want to move together but not in a workout class.
Who are entrepreneurs but don’t want to talk about AI or their latest project.
Who are curious about other cultures but don’t want a guided tour with a bunch of information.
Who are new somewhere but don’t want a networking event.
Who want to be around people but don’t want to perform being around people.
Who want something that actually makes them feel like they belong.
These scripts ask a lot of us.
I have to look like I have everything together.
Stay on your phone if you’re alone.
Don’t make eye contact with strangers.
If you’re at a gathering, lead with your role.
Your job.
Your country.
Your credentials.
Reduce yourself to something categorizable.
These scripts weren’t written down anywhere.
But most of us learned them anyway.
And in learning them, we lost something.
Arriving somewhere and just being there.
Letting a public space slow you down and offer something real.
Moving together in a way that brings those around you a deeper sense of connection.
Being truly seen and known.
Experiencing something together and then talking about it afterward.
These scripts sound different depending on where you’re standing.
If you’re a tourist: consume the experience, take the photo, move on.
The city becomes a backdrop rather than a place you actually entered.
If you’ve recently relocated: prove you belong here.
Don’t let anyone see that you’re still finding your footing.
If you’ve built a successful life and something is still missing: keep it to yourself.
If you’re someone with limited resources: public space can feel like the only free space available.
And yet even there, the unwritten rules about who belongs follow you.
Different scripts.
Same result:
We meet people constantly and rarely feel met.
Something else is possible.
Public spaces are not just for consuming.
They are where humans have always gathered, moved together, shared something, and remembered that they belong to each other.
That capacity hasn’t gone anywhere.
It’s just been waiting underneath the performance.
You are allowed to put the script down.
And when enough people do that in the same room at the same time, something shifts.
That is where it starts.